1. Lose gracefully
Let's face it. Losing just plain sucks! Losing gracefully is an oxymoron. The best I can do is try to pretend it doesn't bother me. I never understood why tennis matches were supposed to end with a handshake, or why the NHL gave an award for "Gentlemanly Conduct". But to my young nieces and nephews who may be reading this at some point in the future: I want you to know that even though I trounced you in foot races, took all your Monopoly money, and won all your candy while teaching you poker, I always did it out of love. And I only cheated if I was way behind.
2. Eat in Moderation
Q: When am I done eating?In my defense I do think I have some self discipline in that I do order moderate portions and am reasonably health conscious. The problem arises when my so-called friends offer their left over portions which they cannot eat. "Hey, I can't finish this cheesecake.... you want some?" or "Hey, I ordered a Nacho Mountain as an appetizer. Will you help me eat it?"
A: When my plate is clean.
Being the great friend that I am, I feel it is my duty to assist others in need. Because that's the kind of man I am!
3. Drive a stick shift
I have only driven cars with automatic transmission, and have never had to learn how to drive a manual one. But I do want to learn since the rest of the world tends to be dominated by manuals, and the automatic rentals in other countries are usually expensive and lousy. But it did work out in my favor once. I had reserved an automatic rental in Denmark, but for some reason the reservation on their end showed Manual. The only automatic they had was a Mercedes E-class, and they gave it to me at the same rate. And it was a Sweet ride!!
4. Apologize
Yes it's true, the hardest words to say are "I'm sorry". It tends to come out in the form of a Tim Allen "Home Improvement" man apology:
"Is that a new shirt? Looks nice."
"No. I've had it awhile"
"Well.... it sure looks good on you..."This translates roughly to "I'm sorry", and should be accepted as such.
5. Make Pizza Dough
I don't know why this is so hard. I watch it being made in pizzerias as they toss it and spin it, and think to myself that I can do this at home. So... I follow the recipe for pizza dough. I let it rise appropriately. I then kneed it and shape it into a disc, and then am ready for the toss and spin. I toss it and give it a nice frisbee spin. Then I catch it... ooops...now it has a hole in it... repair hole... toss again... ooops...
Eventually it becomes a mangled glob, and I concede to try to shape into something which can be topped with sauce & cheese. And that is why the "amoeba" pizza is so often served at my house.
6. Blow Bubbles with bubble gum
Yeah... well... what can I say? I just could never do it.
7. Use a Pitching Wedge
I like golfing. I like its challenges. I like how each course is unique and is designed to appeal to all of the senses (yes.. even taste... when the beverage cart has good stuff to offer). It is both immensely rewarding and terribly frustrating. My drive is OK. I just hit the ball as hard as I can in case it goes straight. I use the irons similarly. Putting is also not a worry. With enough putts it will eventually it will reach the hole. But pitching... ugh! You actually need finesse for this, and I don't have it. You not only have to hit it in the right direction, but also with the right speed. I am afraid to hit it too hard, and so I ease up on it which results in the ball moving about 3 feet. Then I try to hit it harder with the next stroke, only to see it flying over the green and into the bunker on the other side. I end up repeating these steps until I find the delicate touch in between, which sometimes just doesn't happen. I think that for any shot under 100 yards I would just be better off using the putter.
8. Filter my Sarcasm
I was once told by a co-worker before an important meeting that I needed to "apply my sarcasm filter". I amused by this because (a) I did not understand why it would ever need to be filtered, and (b) I did not know that such a filter existed. But I guess it can get me into trouble sometimes, especially with those who do not know me well.
9. Be Punctual
Let's face it... being "on time" is an abstract ideal. If you're within 15 minutes, then you can say you're "on time". And that's where I usually end up. I guess it's a product of how I perceive the rest of the world's schedule. Planes are always late. Movies begin with 20 minutes worth of trailers. Doctor's offices have aptly named waiting rooms for a reason. Restaurants put you on a list and call you when they feel like serving you. And when I am early for something, it seems like I just end up waiting on someone or something. So why hurry and wait? My time is valuable too! That's a pretty good rationalization, don't you think?
10. Sleep on a plane
I know I am not alone in this. When flying in cattle class, as I almost always do, I have found it impossible to get any substantial rest. Just when I manage to fall asleep, something inevitably interrupts my slumber. I once was on a 14 hour flight and was seated next to a man who seemed to have the opposite problem. We chatted for about the first hour, and then he passed out. He was sleeping so deeply that I hated to awaken him to get up to go to the restroom, so I just crawled over him and he didn't even move. He didn't really awaken until the plane landed. I asked him how he was able to sleep so deeply. "Ambian" was his answer. So for my next long flight, I know what to ask for!
