Southern Inhospitality

Having lived most of my life in Georgia, I have become accustomed to many euphemisms that are inherent to Southern culture.  Unless you are a native to the South or have been assimilated into it, you may not be able to recognize what is truly being said.  A true southerner knows how to construct an insult so that it sounds like a complement.  So it is important to be able to distinguish between the two so that you know how to properly gauge where your conversation is headed.

Here is my list of favorites along with their true meanings:

• "You're not from around here, are ya?"
  To a visitor, this may seem like an offer of assistance. But don't be fooled.  This should be interpreted as "You obviously look clueless and are too dumb to read a map."

• "You'll sure make a fine husband/wife someday"
  
  This really does seem complimentary at first, but the true meaning is quite the opposite.  What is really being said is "You're obviously a loser who can't get a date, but surely there is someone who is desperate enough to take you eventually".
  
• "Isn't that nice"
  
  If this comes up in a conversation, just stop talking.  Because what is being said here is basically this: "Please shut up. You're really boring me and I don't really care what you are saying now."
  
• "Bless your heart"
  
  This is a classic and venerable insult that can have many meanings.  In its most basic sense it means "You're so stupid, and you just can't help it".  This is a longtime favorite of older church ladies, and they still get away with it today because.... well, how do you really respond to that?!?!  If anyone ever says this to you just be aware that it is not an expression of sympathy, and you have been dealt the gravest of insults.  And the worst part is... there is still no real defense against it.  I guess that's the beauty of the perception of Southern charm

What other phases have you encountered that can be added to this list?

The Grand Canyon

Last week I spent a few days at the Grand Canyon. It was a brief trip, and my main purpose was to hike to the bottom, spend the night at the one and only Phantom Ranch, and hike back to the rim the next day.


My initial desire to do this began during my first trip here in 2005.  It was a brief visit then.  Just a day at the rim.  But from that vantage point I could clearly see the hiking trails leading to the bottom and was very envious of those that were on them that day.  I also was able to see the Phantom Ranch and campground, the only overnight accommodations at the bottom.  I determined on that day to make plans in the future to come back and do the "full canyon experience" - a hike to the bottom and back.


Seven years later I accomplished just that.  The hardest part in planning this trip was booking a reservation at the Phantom Ranch.  Reservations usually sell out as soon as they become available, about 13 months in advance.  I just happened to call last October and asked when the next opening would be.  They said June 28, 2012.  So I booked it, and planned everything else around that time.

At the beginning

I asked my brother Michael to accompany me.  He's always up for some adventure, and we had previously had some great experiences hiking together in Colorado.  He eagerly accepted.


It was difficult to prepare for this kind of hike, and I was not quite sure how to do it or what to expect.  What makes Grand Canyon hiking so different than other hiking is that you go down before coming back up.  A long way down - 4400 feet.  To put that in perspective, the highest point in Georgia is about 4700'.  Going down was not a worry, but it was hard for me to gauge how I would do on the way back up.

We decided to traverse the South Kaibab Trail on the descent.  It is 6 miles long (2 miles shorter than the more popular Bright Angel Trail) and is quite steep.  But it follows a ridge for much of the initial descent and allows for some really great viewpoints.  There were not many other people on the trail so we had most of it to ourselves.  In some ways going down is more difficult.  My ankles and knees were VERY sore at the end of the trail, as they absorbed a lot of impact from the many steep steps along the trail.  Trekking poles helped tremendously for this, so I highly recommend them for any downhill hike.


As we descended the trail we could definitely notice the considerable change in temperature as we neared the bottom.  It is typically about 20 degress warmer at the bottom than at the rim.  That day the high was 106, and it was very apparent in the last hour of the hike.  We were feeling the heat, and ready to get to the ranch. 

The Kaibab Trial can be seen along the ridge

It was a euphoric feeling seeing the Colorado River getting closer and finally seeing the Black Bridge that we were going to cross.  One end of the bridge was built into a cliff and we had to go through a tunnel to reach it.  As we crossed the bridge we enjoyed a moment of solitude as there was no one else around and we just took in the view and sound of the river below and the canyon above. After about 30 more minutes walking along the river and past the Bright Angel campground, we arrived at our destination for the day: The Phantom Ranch.

Canteen at the Phantom Ranch

The Ranch is quite historic, dating back to the early 1900's, and has been completely supplied by mules since its founding.  And yes, Teddy Roosevelt stayed there once (that guy sure got around!)  It does have electricity and running water, and the facilities are quite modern despite its austerity.  Most importantly the sleeping quarters and dinning hall are air conditioned! The dinning hall doubles as a canteen, so it was the place to hang out with fellow lodgers.  Surprisingly, it had lemonade, iced tea, sodas, and even beer and wine.  We arrived around 10:30am, after hiking for about 4 hours.  So after a cold shower we plopped ourselves down at a table for a few hours and enjoyed some very refreshing beverages and snacks (I drew upon a German inspired concoction and made a "radler" by mixing lemonade and Tecate....ahhh yes... so that's why they do it - for days like this...) As we were sitting there it was somewhat amusing watching other hikers stumble in.  And I thought we looked ragged!  But everyone was the pretty much the same at the canteen -- tired but exhilarated to be there. While waiting for dinner we got to know many of the other residents, including those who were sharing our dorm.  We saw some young girls playing cribbage, and we joined them for a few games -- not something I expected to be doing at the bottom of the canyon!  


Dinner was a surprising treat. It consisted of steak, potatoes, corn, peas, and salad.  It was surprisingly good despite the fact that it was all supplied from the rim.  Shortly after dinner it was back to the dorm for an early slumber, which most of us did since we had to be up at 4:30am for breakfast and the hike up.  An early start was important due to the extreme heat.  We needed to get to the higher elevations (and cooler temperatures) before the heat became unbearable.


One thing I really enjoy about travelling is the opportunity for many random encounters. They always make the trip more interesting.   We shared a dorm with 6 others -- a dad and his 2 teenage sons, and 3 60+ year old hikers who were doing an ambitious rim-to-rim hike (North to South). I thought it was great to see a family do this together.  What a bonding experience for them! The older guys names were Doc, Don, and Don.  I really enjoyed our brief time  together and we were all strangely excited about the next day's challenge.

Beginning the Hike up

At 4:30am the next day came the wake up knock on the door.  No snoozing here.  We all got moving and went to breakfast.  It was a good one with eggs, bacon, and pancakes.  Mike and I departed on our own around 5:30. We took the more popular Bright Angel Trail on the way up.  It is about 9 miles long, but not as steep as Kaibab.  It also had 3 points along the trail that provided drinking water, so we didn't have to carry as much water.  It was shady and quiet at first, and the trail followed the river for about the first half mile.  Then it entered into a cool shady canyon and began a slow ascent.  We soaked our shirts and hats in a cool spring, something that we repeated several times on the trip and it really helped keep us cool.  Then came the first set of switchbacks, called the "Devil's Corkscrew".  I love how the names are always so intimidating!  After completing that section we finally left the shade and came into direct sunlight.  It was also our first real viewpoint, and we could finally see the rim.  It looked so high and far away!  

The Devil's Corkscrew

Soon we arrived at the first major checkpoint -- Indian Gardens.  It was about halfway along the trial, although we still had about 3000 more feet to climb.  This had the feel of a highway rest stop, but for hikers.  There was drinking water, rest rooms, a ranger station, and a campground. Here we began to encounter the day hikers since this is a popular turnaround point when hiking from the top.  I knew that we had lost the quiet intimacy of the canyon for the remainder of the day.  Here we ate our sack lunch that was prepared by the Phantom Ranch, and it was plentiful.  After that we met back up with Doc and Don, with whom we had shared a dorm.  The other Don and gone on his own and was well ahead of us.  Don had a really large and heavy backpack since he had brought camping gear as well.  He offered to pay me to carry one of his items, half joking/half serious.  I was doing surprisingly well, and had a very light pack.  So I agreed to carry his tent in exchange a few rounds of drinks at the top (yeah... I'm easy like that).


So after the rest stop we set off again and soon arrived at the steepest part of the trial - "Jacob's Ladder".  From this point on we hiked as a foursome and kept pace with each other.  It also provided a sense of camaraderie and we were constantly encouraging each other along the way. We had lost our shade at this point and were in the sun for much of the remaining hike.  But at least it was somewhat cooler as we got higher.  The rest of the hike was mostly switchbacks, one after another.  And the view was not as interesting as on the Kaibab trail. We lumbered up, slowly making our way to the other rest stops which always seemed farther than they were supposed to be.

The end in sight - the Kolb Studio can barely be seen on the Rim in the middle

At last we came to the point where we could at least see the end of the trail, and yet it still seemed very high and far off.  But it always helps me to look down every once in a while.  I was often amazed at how far we had climbed when the trail below seemed so far below and so far distant.  It put it all in perspective.  At last we reached the last turn and made the last stretch to the top.  And then we were done... 9 miles, 4400', 8 hours.  And that's one more item off the bucket list! 

Overall it was a fantastic experience for me.  I was somewhat worried about my physical endurance, since this was about double the magnitude of any previous hike I had done.  Add the blistering heat and sunlight and it was even more of a challenge.  But in the end I realized I had much more endurance than I had thought, and I felt a youthful exhilaration in the accomplishment.  Also, I was extremely encouraged by the perseverance of Doc and Don.  I had previously held the misconception that I was pushing my age limit in attempting this.  But they inspired me that I can do this again in 25 years if I take care of myself.  We had a great lunch together at the Bright Angel Lodge (Don paid... for me carrying his tent), after which we parted ways and they headed back home to Portland, OR.

Endless switchbacks on Bright Angel

Also, it was a great bonding experience with my brother Mike.  He's always up for adventure and he certainly made the most of the experience.  We were both incredibly sore afterwards, and had some impressive blisters.  We laughed at ourselves walking with a limping shuffle the remainder of the trip. I hope we have many more adventures together!

Mike, Me, Doc, and Don

The Middle Seat

Due to popular demand, and an exercise in self discipline, I am finally starting a blog. After all, it's about time everyone else gets to benefit from my wisdom!  


The first challenge is choosing a name, and a theme. I picked the name "The Middle Seat".   I decided to adopt it on one of my many airline journeys.  In many ways, a typical airline trip can be a metaphor for experiences in one's own life.  You depart on a journey, you arrive at a destination, and you can experience a lot of turbulence along the way.  And you never want to get stuck in the middle seat.  But it's necessary sometimes if you want to get to where you want to be.   So the title encapsulates several themes that I want my blog to focus on: Travel, random encounters, making the most of opportunities, and food.  OK.. it's hard to tie in airline food to the culinary experiences that I want to write about, but sometimes you have to eat what you're given....